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Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, are you the sun? Because looking directly at you hurts my eyes."

"What does a ghost pick out of his nose? Boo-gers"

"Remember when you first joined twitter and you had no idea how to RT or what favstar was and remembered what your family looked like?"

"Money was so tight last Xmas I had to sell a kidney for gifts. And this year it's getting so bad, I may even have to sell one of my own."

"My friend told me I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. I told him I'm not a tool or in a shed. Sure showed him."

"I sleep with a knife under my bed in case I can't open my midnight snacks. It also comes in handy if people try to steal them."

"I bet centaurs never know who to root for at rodeos."

"A group of wild dads just ran into my back yard, built a shed, filled it with tools and told me not to touch any of them or I'd be grounded."

"What does Sodium and Batman have in common? NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa BATMAN i'll just see myself out...."

"Three Nuns at a Bus Stop Three little old nuns were at the bus stop in front of their church when a young man runs up and flashes them. The oldest one had a stroke. The other two couldn't reach."