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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when a bar of soap gets visibly dirty. I want to clean it, but down that road lies madness."

"[6:00pm] i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight [11:00pm] yay i did it! [11:01pm] *preheats oven*"

"Niece: I like math M: 5 X 1? N: 5 M: *takes out phone* right N:You're using your phone? M: I got a text N: I didnt hear a sound *runs away*"

"How you call a girl that doesnt do blowjobs ? You simply don't call her."

"How do japanese chihuahuas say hello? Konichihuahua"

"I walked into my sisters room and tripped on a bra... It was a booby trap! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Stolen ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^from ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^The ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Last ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Of ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^us"

"[funeral] ok I need everyone over 70 to gather for the bouquet toss"

"If girls were dinosaurs they'd be dramasaurus."

"""My god...we're monsters,"" I murmured to a local monster, who nodded sympathetically"

"What do people with huge penises eat for breakfast? Well, I had toast. EDIT: me and /u/Nekovivie weren't expecting you to know. cuz^you^have^a^small^dick"