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Joke of the Day

"What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today? Scratching at the inside of his coffin."

"Why did Jesus stop playing Hockey? Because he got nailed into the boards (It's a joke not to insult anyone)"

"For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid. Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted"

"A solid way to make your waiter's head explode is to order a grilled cheese with no bread."

"It sucks that bowtie pasta is the only edible formal wear my grocery store carries."

"Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare? Because they're sending them to the infantry!"

"What did Saddam Hussein have in common with Little Miss Muffet? He also had Kurds in his way."

"What is the first rule of eating a banana? One. Never look someone in the eyes. What is the second rule? Two. Never look up."

"Why are all these jokes about unhappy relationships? Said my wife as she looked over my shoulder. What a nosy fucking bitch."

"I love my cat, and my cat loves me. The feline's mutual."