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Joke of the Day

"If I've learned one thing from watching horror movies, it's if you buy snacks from vending machines, you will die."

"What's the Syrian girl doing on the swing? Pissing off the sniper"

"Me: It's not illegal to be rude to cops. Them: Well, if you poke a bear, what do you expect? Me: That's why we don't make bears cops."

"Why wasn't Thor invited to his brother's surprise party? Odin wanted to keep it 'Loki'."

"What did Serena say to Venus before they faced off in the US Open? In tennis, love means nothing."

"A man in Arizona buys a [Tempescope Cube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ddMyIsxZ-g). He returned it a week later because all it did was blow sand and tumbleweeds around."

"Ladies, if he tells you he's 6 feet & 4 inches, be sure those aren't two separate measurements."

"""Daaaaaaaaaaaad, what should I do with this industrial roll of bubble wrap?"" ""Just pop it in the corner please"" It took me 2 hours."

"Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???"

"What do Michael Jackson and Jimmy Savile have in common? they touched some many lives"