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Joke of the Day

"You guys wanna see something cool? http://www.fda.gov/ucm/groups/fdagov-public/documents/image/ucm197598.bmp"

"I hope that Senator Franken runs for President in 2020 and picks Jill Stein as his running mate That'd be a real Franken/Stein ticket"

"What college did Michael Jackson go to? Bringham Young"

"You think you have a bad job? I'm working at the Return Desk at Toy R' Us in Connecticut"

"Sometimes I worry that pizza isn't a real sport"

"ME: OMG I CAN'T BREATHE I ATE WAY TOO MUCH CALL A DOCTOR HER: do you want dessert? ME: ok, but just a small slice."

"Why do seagulls fly over the sea Because if they flew over the bay then they would be bagels"

"THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he speaks in typos ME: EVERYTHING IS JUST FIND BRENDA! THERAPIST: ok maybe we should take 5 ME: food idea"

"I hate when people tell me to have a safe flight. Like I have a choice. It's either back home, or in a swamp. I'll try really hard to live."

"My sister called in a panic to say she'd dropped my kid. I didn't even know she was pregnant."