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Joke of the Day

"I hate when people tell me to have a safe flight. Like I have a choice. It's either back home, or in a swamp. I'll try really hard to live."

"Here's how science works..,, if it's not your idea you think it's insane. Thank you, I'll be here all night! #science #joke"

"What's the difference between Reese and Tyrese? Reese was born Witherspoon but Tyrese stole his."

"I once saw a midget goalie play 10 consecutive games in a row. After the games I asked if he was sore, and he said ""I'm a little tender""."

"A blonde and a brunette jump off a building. Who hits the ground first? The brunette, because the blonde stopped to ask for directions."

"[on the way to the hospital] GF: ""let me get this straight. You thoug-"" Me: I thought that the mouse trap would detect that I am not a mouse"

"Ok son, the bad news is, your dog died while u were at school. The good news however, I found a vape pen in a tree mmmm onion flavor"

"Who is this Rorschach guy? And why did he draw so many pictures of my parents fighting?"

"Millions of Thanksgiving turkeys recalled. It seems that someone forgot to butter their balls before they left the factory."

"Honey, look what I found on our son's computer *opens folder of walkthroughs, wife starts sobbing* I'm calling the police"