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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the suicidal dolphin? He lost the porpoise to live."

"She told me she ""literally died laughing,"" and that's when I realized she had to be a zombie and shot her in the face."

"What's the difference between a prostitute with irritable bowel syndrome and an epileptic oyster? You have to shuck the oyster between fits."

"there there son *crouches down & wipes his tears* its ok, dont go crying over spilt mil-- YOU GOT IT ON THE XBOX!? no NO. call 911. CALL 911"

"I have a love/hate relationship with mood swings."

"Yesterday, I told my son about the Tooth Fairy. Today, I find 33 teeth under his pillow. Clearly they are not his. I am very, very afraid."

"Hillary and Trump in a plane, plane crashes. Who survives? America"

"Personal Trainer- So how have you been cutting your carbs? Me-Mostly with a bread knife or a pizza slicer"

"During lunch, what did one Soldier say to the other Soldier? Want some Turkey?"

"What do you do when a scientist dies? You barium! ba-dum-tss"