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Joke of the Day

"Personal Trainer- So how have you been cutting your carbs? Me-Mostly with a bread knife or a pizza slicer"

"The best kiss of my life was with a vacuum cleaner... ... it took my breath away."

"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit."

"*Dive rolls across the room naked Her- Why don't you just buy curtains?"

"How do you sink a French battleship? Put it in water."

"I'm smiling. This should scare you."

"What is it called when Batman leaves church? Christian Bale... "

"[Ouija Board] ""Oh great spirits tell me ur secrets"" You'll die soon ""OMG HOW"" Hold on I have another call"

"What do cutters and heroin addicts have in common? Long sleeves."

"This is not a joke"