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Joke of the Day

"There's a button on this hotel phone that says, ""Pizza"". I may never leave."

"When I'm on my phone & I select, copy, but then I don't paste, I oddly gain a sensation that something then remains glued to my thumb."

"What do you call Mike Tyson on drugs? Methed up"

"Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing."

"And then God said: Let women have infallible memory. But technology said: And screenshots, just in casies."

"How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be open when she brings it to you."

"before you do a horrific crime, double check whether you could get the death penalty for it and if so whether you really want to do it"

"Me: How much should I spend on an engagement ring? Jeweler: 3 months salary on the stone. Me: *Duct tapes pile of Fruity Pebbles together."

"A bar walks into a bar Haha I have no idea where I was going with this please don't be mean I thought it was going to be funny."

"Why did Johnny drop his ice cream? No you sadistic fucks, he did not get railed by a truck. He just tripped and fell :)"