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Joke of the Day

"before you do a horrific crime, double check whether you could get the death penalty for it and if so whether you really want to do it"

"Ladies; if you're not prepared to drink the whole bottle of wine, don't even uncork it."

"Don't ever change for anyone. Nothing is worth compromising your beliefs. Unless it's for money."

"I told my mom that the CIA was going to keep Osama Bin Laden's porn collection away from the public. She said, ""Who cares? It's probably just full of camels, anyway."""

"No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation."

"My Wife walked in on me having sex with our daughter. I dont know what she was more angry about, me having sex with our daughter or that the abortion clinic let me keep the foetus"

"Why did the BDSM store get behind on its shipments? Bbecause they were all tied up..."

"Favorite Old People Jokes"

"Computers are like women At first you cherish them with all your love. Then, as time goes on you become more careless. Until one day you realize... *You have a virus*"

"Getting tired of these people who come to my door, telling me I'm gonna burn unless I'm saved... The flashing lights on their trucks were pretty cool to see, though."