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Joke of the Day

"What do you call Mike Tyson on drugs? Methed up"

"What do you call an X-Games athlete who placed dead last? A louger."

"If my dying plant is any indication, I probably don't water my dog enough... Oh fuck, where's my kid?"

"When someone yells ""STOP!"" I never know if it's Hammertime or if I should collaborate and listen."

"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?"

"I bartered a ring for a shop vac All she does is suck up my wallet and spend all my money."

"So I was dating this girl... ...she was so posh, every time she had an orgasm she'd scream: ""I'm arriving!"""

"A man came up to me and said, ""Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry."" I said, ""That is very annoying."" He said, ""Well I can only apologise."""

"My coworker asked me to guess who invented sliced bread. I said Jesus at the last supper because if I were Jesus why would my bread **not** come apart in clean slices?"

"What do NRA members and the UCC shooting victims have in common? Both will never get a college degree."