95365

Joke of the Day

"The phone rings, and Dad asks: What does the caller ID say? Mom: It's a private caller. Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher."

"My FitBit app says I sleep walked 20 steps last night, glad I was asleep during all that damn exercise."

"What did 50 Cent say to his grandmother when she made him a pair of socks? Gee, you knit?"

"What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line."

"There was a pile up on the freeway.... reportedly due to a bunch of old underwear, scattered all over the road. No one is sure how they got there, but there were skidmarks everywhere"

"I have sex almost every day! Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday..."

"Did you hear about the new Yiddish martial art... that involves rapid spasms and filing legal action against your opponent? Jew-fit-sue is taking off in a big way"

"Rattlesnakes and Condoms ...two things I don't fuck with."

"Why do all these blurry people keep telling me I'm drunk?"

"Oh, I see you're an extrovert. Sorry, we can't be friends. I already have a friend who's an extrovert. One of you is enough."