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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Trump campaign order its followers to destroy all fax machines? They thought it was spelled ""facts."""

"What mistake have you made when your wife comes in from the kitchen to yell at you? Made her chain too long."

"if you love something set it free. except Shamu.. we all love Shamu but he must be imprisoned forever"

"Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail. Little Johnny says, ""De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."""

"BF went to text me ""almost there"" It came out ""almost dead"" So hungover, I wrote back ""thank god"" And now he arrived and things are awkward"

"Why did the Boeing 747 crash into an orphanage? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!"

"I just got a Facebook invite to my brother's non-alcoholic Mormon wedding. I dunno which part of that sentence makes me want to cry more."

"Why did the neckbeard become a doctor? He sure knows how to treat M'aladies"

"Searching for porn gifs... Results be like, ""oh my go..."" ""oh my go..."" ""oh my go..."" ""oh my go..."""

"What do my dick and my mind have in common? They both want to get blown."