13438

Joke of the Day

"if you love something set it free. except Shamu.. we all love Shamu but he must be imprisoned forever"

"Your voicemail will be ignored in the order in which it was received. Beep."

"I start undressing you with my eyes. About halfway through, your zipper gets caught on my cornea and I start screaming in agony."

"[White House] Any ideas on how to defeat ISIS? *Biden excitedly raises hand* Besides assembling the Avengers. *Biden dejectedly lowers hand*"

"Are you alright? No. You're all....left"

"When Snoop Dogg was born, he had 3pounds .. in his possession."

"""What's your name?"" ""Who's your daddy?"" ""Is he rich like me?"" These ""reset your password"" questions are getting kind of weird."

"Why did the elephant paint his balls green? Answer: to hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados"

"Black Friday through the years: 2005: 5am 2010: 3am 2012: 12am 2013: Thursday 8pm 2014: Thursday 2020: 4th of July"

"Have you heard about the new movie, ""Constipation""? It hasn't come out yet."