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Joke of the Day

"if you love something set it free. except Shamu.. we all love Shamu but he must be imprisoned forever"

"Q: How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Change it to what?"

"My son said he wanted to get into organized crime when he grew up. ""Government or private sector?"""

"Who is the most powerful ghoul? Judge Dread."

"My neighbour knocked on my door this morning at 2:30am! Can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums."

"I wonder how many calories you burn locking yourself out and having to climb in through a second story window.??"

"What is the difference between a bachelorette party and Cirque du Soleil? One is a group of cunning stunts."

"Twitter: where 20-year standup comedy vets get out-funnyed by accountants, college kids, junkies, & unemployed single moms on a daily basis."

"""HELP!"" Joe pants. ""WHAT IS IT JOE?"" I belt. ""I THINK SOMEBODY SWITCHED OUR ARTICULATORY VERBS WITH CLOTHING WORDS."" He cardigans."

"Life is like a box of condoms. If you don't use one, you never know what you're goin get."