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Joke of the Day

"""I used to work at a fire hydrant factory."" ""You couldn't park anywhere *near* the place!"" -Steven Wright"

"""Awww look my boyfriend left his Facebook open, I'm going to log him off without checking his inbox."" Said no woman ever"

"My car doubles in value when I fill my gas tank up."

"It's not that I don't know how to juggle... I just don't have the balls to do it."

"The Duke ordered his subjects not to dig tunnels beneath his land but the King gave them permission to do so, He felt undermined."

"My sweatpants just greeted me at the door like a loyal dog."

"Today I officially hit the ""I guess these shrank in the dryer"" phase of my weight gain denial."

"There are two types of people in the world Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data..."

"What spell does a Hogwarts student use when they pregnant? fetus deletus!"

"*guitarist breaks guitar* HELL YEAH *drummer throws drums* YES YES *singer stabs a bunch of guys* OH MY GOD *bassist plants a bomb* STOP"