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Joke of the Day
"What spell does a Hogwarts student use when they pregnant? fetus deletus!"
Next Joke
"Why do Physicists make terrible parents? They think their children are small enough to neglect! Adapted from a Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, I forget which one."
"Why did God invent yeast infections? [NSFW] So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt."
"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding. He still hasn't unwrapped his present."
"Baltimore Ravens go low carb Baltimore ravens go low carb and cut Rice. (I will see myself out)"
"I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas. Now I'm fucking stuck taking care of a puppy."
"Twitter is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in."
"The stock market plunge of 2008 was worse than a divorce... I lost half of everything, but I still have my wife!"
"How long is one minute? It depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on."
"My wife kept trying to get pregnant but she blew all her chances"