197922

Joke of the Day

"*guitarist breaks guitar* HELL YEAH *drummer throws drums* YES YES *singer stabs a bunch of guys* OH MY GOD *bassist plants a bomb* STOP"

"What did the cannibals do with the midget? Put another shrimp on the barbie."

"""someone bring me soup."" -every hot girl with a cold ever"

"Did you hear the one about the JRPG character who named his daughter Dot? He called for her three times, but she she still didn't answer. ..."

"Anyone want to do the laundry for me? Im exhausted. I can pay you in beanie babies or hot monkey sex. The monkey's name is Earl. He bites."

"Why do demons love apostrophes? They show possession."

"My phone died doing what it loves: dying."

"The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook."

"I saw a woman in a restaurant yesterday wearing a t-shirt that read ""Guess?"" So I said, 38D?"

"President Obama is walking through the White House... ...when he passes former President Clinton. ""Bill!"" says Obama, ""what's going on? How is Hillary's head?"" ""Well,' says Bill, ""She's no Monica."""