221933

Joke of the Day

"My sweatpants just greeted me at the door like a loyal dog."

"Why did the hipster burn his tung? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool..."

"I wonder if anyone besides me has the bumper sticker, ""Proud parent of your wife's kid."""

"Hey Joe, did you return that axe to Frank? Yes. And what did he say? Yaaaaauh!"

"I hope you guys realize that sunflower seeds are salted little plant babies."

"What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit."

"Why did Uncle Owen have the cleanest asshole in the Galaxy? A lifetime of nothing but Outer Rim jobs."

"""This is NPR."" Yeah, we know. You just spent the past 4 minutes whispering the news over a jazz saxophone solo."

"I'm going to get a dime-sized spider tattooed on my penis. It's the only way I can get women to shout ""Oh my God it's huge!"" when they see my dick."

"Whats the last letter in the alphabet? somebody help plz I need help on kindergarten project"