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Joke of the Day

"Bears think if you're lying down motionless, you're dead. So everyday, the first bear to wake up thinks its entire family is dead. Tragic.."

"Love is... when you washed your cat and it still comes to you after."

"What do i have in common with neutrino's we're both constantly penetrating your mom."

"Why did Napoleon's soldiers wear red buttons on their blue jackets during the battle of Waterloo? ... so that they could close their jackets."

"ME: I worked at a zoo for a while THERAPIST: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: [monkey noises coming from my bag] Uh good memories"

"True story: 5 year old me was asked by a backhoe operator, ""Hey Buddy, you wanna drive one of these when you grow up?"" ""No, my Dad wants me to go to college"""

"Why did Michael Jackson love Beethoven's 3rd symphony? It was done in A minor."

"You know why the fiscal year ends in March and not December? Because the next year starts with April Fools' day."

"Who would you save first? Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!"

"I tried running once. But I kept spilling my beer."