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Joke of the Day

"Girls at parties are like parking spaces, if you're late all the good ones are gone, So when nobody's looking you stick it in the disabled one...."

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"""If you removed all the arteries, veins, & capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end, the person will die."" -- Neil deGrasse Tyson https://twitter.com/neiltyson"
"What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts!"
"Me: Just to be safe, we should quarantine Texas and nuke it from space. CW: That seems like an overreaction to Ebola. Me: They have Ebola?"
"Your head is basically just the smartest part of your body wrapped in the spookiest part of your body."
"What do you do if you enter a room and a clown is having a stroke? Close the door and go to /r/Eyebleach."
"When choosing a bottle of wine, it's good to pick one with a picture of the animal you'd most like to get drunk with on the label."
"I called in to work and asked my boss what the difference between work and his daughter was. I'm not coming into work this morning."
"Ironically, I only know of one person with the name Common."
"I was sitting in the traffic the other day That's why i got run over."