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Joke of the Day

"When choosing a bottle of wine, it's good to pick one with a picture of the animal you'd most like to get drunk with on the label."

"For years I thought that my wife was repulsed by me but as it turns out she just doesn't put out on the first marriage."

"""They had to amputate them both at the ankles,"" said Tom, defeated."

"This Xanax script says I should take one daily as needed but I'm pretty sure they meant per child so, including the dogs, that makes five."

"What does a tuna, a glue stick, and a piano have not have in common? You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

"The Bangles are getting their own cooking show. Wok Like an Egyptian"

"Why do pirates love Playboy Magazine? You'd think it's for the booty, but they really read it for the arrrticles."

"White people be loving the shit out of fall foliage."

"At this point my body would probably mistake a vegetable for a virus and try to attack it."

"Why didn't the skeleton go for the halloween party ? He had ""No body "" to go with."