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Joke of the Day

"What did the potato chip say to the battery? I'm Frito-Lay when you're Everyready."

"What's bright, red and orange and looks good on hippies? Fire."

"""I'm usually closed off. But if you get close to me, you'll find that I'll really open up."" -Automatic sliding doors"

"That's not a candy cane in my pocket. I'm just glad to see you!"

"How do you get a Warriors fan to stop masturbating? Paint his dick Cavaliers maroon and yellow."

"Halloween is the only day of the year you can ask someone ""what are you supposed to be?"" without triggering an existential crisis."

"If you start a conversation with ""you're gonna say I'm crazy"" there's nothing I can do but to congratulate you on your clairvoyance."

"What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? Slash slash backslash slash slash escape."

"Why are ophans no good at baseball? They dont know where home is."

"What do you get when you subtract the date and time that Tony Stark built an AI from the current date and time? The Age Of Ultron."