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Joke of the Day

"""I'm usually closed off. But if you get close to me, you'll find that I'll really open up."" -Automatic sliding doors"

"I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable."

"I can not stand the new style with hip hop music, they say one word then repeat it a dozen times. It is so freakin annoying and lame lame lame lame lame."

"What do you call a turlte that flies? a shellocopter. damn homies"

"Variants for running. Variants for running:- 1. Hot girl in front of you. 2. Creepy guy behind you. (If 1 applies to you, you're probably 2)"

"Cats are so lucky. Nobody thinks twice when they run from company and hide under the bed. I do it and its ""weird""."

"Why should you wrap a gerbil in duct tape? (NSFW) So it doesn't burst when you fuck it."

"Dad, my laptop's frozen. Have you tried warming it up?"

"SON: Daddy, I keep hearing noises from my closet. I think a monster's in there. ME: Yeah, why do you think mom and I chose the other room?"

"Headphone Jack [Removed]"