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Joke of the Day

"Pack of polos for sale still in the wrapper Mint condition Pack of polos for sale, still in the wrapper. Mint condition"

"My gym bag is so funny. Today it was like ""What does the outside of your car trunk look like?"" and ""What's a gym?"""

"[answers phone in crowded elevator] give me some good news...HOW contagious?"

"I recently bought a copy of Monty Python's Big Red Book, but was later dismayed to find that I'd purchased the Spanish language version... Nobody expects the Spanish text edition."

"Jenner is a hero, and quite frankly saved some lives Had I not replaced the Jenner in my truck last week I wouldnt have been able to shift into neutral when my accelerator stuck today."

"If it takes 150 yards of stewed tripe to make a pair of leather britches for a bull, how long does it take for a double breasted cockroach to climb a bar of soft soap? You tell me and we'll both know."

"My wife wants the living room walls to be something neutral. I'm painting Switzerland."

"Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge? They are for those who don't drink!"

"Even on my death bed my wife will be telling me how she had a worse day than me."

"I don't mean to brag, but I do all my own auto repairs. *turns up volume* SEE! THE RATTLING SOUND IS COMPLETELY GONE!"