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Joke of the Day

"I don't mean to brag, but I do all my own auto repairs. *turns up volume* SEE! THE RATTLING SOUND IS COMPLETELY GONE!"

"Did you hear about the paperboy who used to masturbate on the job? No? Really? Weird, it was all over the news."

"What's the difference between an onion and a prostitute? When I cut up a prostitute i don't cry."

"I hate it when you tell someone that you'll always be there for them and then they call you to help move"

"Whoever stole my copy of Office 365, I will find you You have my Word."

"I think I'll just leave my turn signal on from age 60 onward."

"A cannibal ate an optimist once He couldn't quite keep him down."

"Trump was recently asked his opinion on Roe vs. Wade... He thought it was two different ways to get across the Potomac."

"A Vegan and her Gluten-Free friend walk into a bar... and we only know that because it's the first thing they tell everyone"

"A joke walks into a bar... Bartender says woah! I've never *meta* joke before"