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Joke of the Day

"If it takes 150 yards of stewed tripe to make a pair of leather britches for a bull, how long does it take for a double breasted cockroach to climb a bar of soft soap? You tell me and we'll both know."

"""AAAAHH EARTHQUAKE! Oh good, now it is snowing"" - If I lived in a snow globe."

"What's the worst thing about owning a console? Memories of your dad leaving you are in 30fps"

"My 5-year-old found two pennies and shared one with her sister. I grounded them both because I'm not raising any communists."

"Did you know that all of the trigonometric functions are female? Yup, They all have periods!"

"What did the parrot say when he was using the Internet? P.Cs of eight P.Cs of eight."

"Why do cats make better medical technicians than dogs? Because dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan."

"Jared from subway lost his job the same way he got it. By getting into smaller pants."

"What's the most racist letter of the alphabet? Not Z."

"What did the Monkey say when his bath was too hot? Ooh-Ooh-Aah- Aah"