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Joke of the Day

"How many more spills do you think parents in paper towel commercials can take before they just push one of those kids down the stairs?"

"Be back in a few days. Gotta shave my legs for spring. But, before I go, what's the best way to sharpen hedge trimmers?"

"What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Michael Phelps CAN finish a race!"

"His ex saw me and said, ""I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder""... I said, ""Guess so, but I Be Holdin' his hand!!!"""

"They have a sea food place at Sea World. How morbid. What if I'm eating a slow leaner."

"What do you call a big, dumb, slow guy who cuts down trees? A lumbering oaf."

"I'm gonna make a proctologist training video based on the Shawshank Redemption The main characters name will be Andy Dufranus"

"To all the fisherman out there... You da reel MVP"

"What do you call a line of men waiting to get a hair cut? A barbecue"

"""I know exactly how you feel."" *staring at a deflated giant inflatable snowman"