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Joke of the Day

"To all the fisherman out there... You da reel MVP"

"How much money does the Treasurer of the United States make? All of it."

"Me: Hi, officer. I saw you coming up the driveway. Cop: (sadly) Your son has been in an accident. Me: I FLUSHED ALL MY DRUGS FOR THAT?!"

"my parents did a terrible job of distributing my skill points"

"Why did the kid punch the bed? His mother told him to hit the hay."

"[petting friend's new guidedog] so how did you get here? ""he brought me"" wow [later in bed w/ wife] did you know dave's dog can drive a car?"

"How did the hillbilly find his sister in the woods? Pretty good. ( )"

"The average person swallows over 4,000 spiders each year. More than that. Tens of thousands. Hundreds of thousands of spiders. It's crazy."

"What's the most important part of a joke, the setup or the punchline? To get to the other side."

"You know what ruins a rape? Consent"