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Joke of the Day

"""That's so Raven"" - Raven Symone's parents identify her body."

"What is the difference between a baby and a alarm clock? You only have to hit the alarm clock once to make it be quiet..."

"Everyone in the world but you is a robot and the experiment is going really poorly."

"What vegetable likes to party? A turn-up"

"What's the difference between a blimp and a blow job every day? One's a Goodyear, the other's a fucking awesome year!"

"[Chumbawumba concert] I get knocked down, but I get up again.. [whack-a-mole just goin nuts in the crowd] ""Aw hell yeah!"""

"Q: What do small businesses cry when account executives harass them for money? A: Yelp!"

"""Make yourself at home."" they say, then it's ""Ma'am please put your bra back on."" Make up your mind, library story time, make up your mind!"

"I hate myself a little for this... What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! ...Nah, just kidding! *He still hasn't unwrapped his present!!!*"

"Fortune Cookie: YOU JUST BROKE MY HOUSE IN HALF AND NOW YOU'RE READING MY JOURNAL"