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Joke of the Day

"What vegetable likes to party? A turn-up"

"When 3 people have sex, it's called a threesome... When 2 people have sex it's called a twosome. Now I understand why they call me handsome."

"The revolution will be tweeted. The sunset, Instagrammed. The relationship, Facebooked. The storm, Vined."

"I hope that Senator Franken runs for President in 2020 and picks Jill Stein as his running mate That'd be a real Franken/Stein ticket"

"Whats the difference between Sarah Palins mouth and her vagina? Only one retarded thing has come out of her vagina"

"I took biscuits with me on a date once. She called me a weirdo and said that biscuits was a stupid name for a cat."

"Billionaire: I'd like to do something about crime. Butler: Being poor, I've got some great ideas-- Billionaire: I want to dress as a bat."

"How many Police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they are too busy beating the shit out the room for being black."

"I just saw a black guy driving a BMW and doing the speed limit. I'm following him until he pulls over b/c I know he has drugs in the car."

"My wife is a psycho, this tweet isn't a joke its a cry for help."