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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a blimp and a blow job every day? One's a Goodyear, the other's a fucking awesome year!"

"Why is it that lawyers get sick? It's because they are *contract*ually obligated to do so."

"* Grows beard to woo women * * Receives recruitment email from ISIS *"

"My German sausage didn't come with a bun... It was just the wurst."

"Wife : don't forget to pick up the kids at the school Me : why"

"Why is it when a house is haunted it's always a ghost from the 1700's? Imagine it being a ghost from 2007 screaming ""It's Britney Bitch"" at 3am"

"I used to be a big fan of Michael J Fox... ...but his latest performances have been a little shaky."

"Did you hear about the feminist light bulb? It empowers itself"

"3 days ago I ate my daughters's m&m's while she was napping. When she woke I told her the cat ate 'em She's still mad at the cat. Dumb kid."

"Police officers are really sore losers when you race them"