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Joke of the Day

"[Chumbawumba concert] I get knocked down, but I get up again.. [whack-a-mole just goin nuts in the crowd] ""Aw hell yeah!"""

"Hey, people who leave the volume on an odd, non divisible by 5 number, how do you live with yourselves?!"

"How do you catch a Polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice, place peas around the hole and when the Polar bear comes up to take a pea, you kick it in the icehole. :)"

"Am I the only one who gives people in my neighborhood names they don't know they have? a.k.a. ""Running Man"",""Mustang Bob"", ""Blue truck dude"""

"Once my credit card got stolen and I never reported it. The thief spent less than my wife."

"I have to find a new personal trainer. He didn't do squat(s)."

"me on my first date: ""for me to continue this relationship you need to choose correctly"" [i pull a frog & a lizard out of my pocket]"

"What does a robot do at the end of one night stand? He falls off"

"Did you hear the joke about the jump rope? Eh nevermind, I'll just skip it."

"I saw Matt Damon eating toast in his hometown... ...could it be Bourne and Bread?"