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Joke of the Day

"I think what I did to get away from that spider could qualify as parkour."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but fuck you."

"What does a fish say when it swims into a concrete wall? Dam!"

"What's the difference between mathematicians and Syrian refugees? Mathematicians don't struggle with integration."

"My mom pops out from under the table while I'm on a date. She's always been a good eater. You see her hips? Good hips. Stand up, show him-"

"A biker got mad at me today, just because he ran into a stop sign... Doesn't he realize that an open hand means 'STOP'?"

"One I heard at a restaurant ""Am I the first girl you ever kissed?"" She whispered softly to her date. ""It's possible"" he admitted, ""Were you at Lake Geneva in 2004?"""

"Chemistry joke as told by my teacher Organic Chemistry is hard, if you don't study for the test you'll be in alkynes of trouble."

"I gave self deprecating humor a go once... ...I was terrible at it."

"My girlfriend treats me like a god She ignores me till she wants to ask for something"