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Joke of the Day

"What did Harry Potter say when his waiter gave him the wrong drink? ""Sir, when I buy patron I EXPECTO PATRONUM!"" (Hauls ass towards the exit)"

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang the picture."

"""Jesus loves you."" A nice gesture in church. A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison."

"I checked my phone while I was mowing the lawn and now we don't have a garden."

"I need some white people jokes! I would especially love to hear these from someone of a different race. It's my birthday and this would make it complete."

"I don't have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow"

"What's the difference between marriage and identity theft? At least with identity theft you know you're getting fucked."

"Cat saves kid? Please. My cat would've pushed me into traffic, stolen my identity, & would be living it up in Mexico by now."

"To all my American friends: Happy hunger games... May the odds be ever in your favor."

"White girls really love their Pumpkin Spice. Pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin spice candles, pumpkin spice president!"