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Joke of the Day

"I forgot my phone when I went to the toilet today. We have 245 tiles."

"If I could have dinner with anybody living or dead, I would choose someone who is dead so I didn't have to listen to them chew."

"The fact that Mitt Romney opted to see Twilight instead of Lincoln this weekend probably sums up what his presidency would've been like."

"To the guy who named cotton candy: Yes! It looks just like it sounds. To the guy who named Milk Duds: What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Too late to hunt buffalo, too early to fight robots, what a dickless generation I was born into."

"Oh ya, let's sit down and talk about it! *That's how I end and win any argument with hubby."

"The squiggly red lines in Word documents are your computer's allergic reaction to dumb."

"What's the etiquette on petting a baby that's been leashed to the bike rail outside Starbucks?"

"NASA launches bovines into space It was the herd shot round the world!"

"What do you call a hen staring at lettuce? Chicken sees-a salad"