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Joke of the Day

"What's the etiquette on petting a baby that's been leashed to the bike rail outside Starbucks?"

"What did Hitler say to the Chinese food delivery guy that stole his Chinese food? MEIN LOMEIN!"

"[aircraft carrier] *paints a T on the helipad* Captain: No it has to have an H Me: Why? *train sounds approaching* Captain: Oh dear god"

"My music preferences range between something your grandma would listen to, to something that could potentially kill her."

"What happened to the cowboy when he said that he was sick of washing cowhides at his side of the dairy? He was sent to the udder side"

"How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner."

"I have AIDS and Alzheimer's Thank goodness I don't have AIDS"

"Why did the optimistic Chinese guy wish he had multiple personality disorder? He wanted to be the Changs he wanted to see in the world."

"My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex... Just this morning she asked me ""Is that the best you can do?"""

"Elliptical machines are the caesar salad of exercise."