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Joke of the Day

"If I could have dinner with anybody living or dead, I would choose someone who is dead so I didn't have to listen to them chew."

"Facebook would be way cooler if it was on t.v. : ""In other news Brian's ex-girlfriend is still a cold, heartless b!tch. Details at 11."

"How do you wake up a loafer? With a shoe horn."

"My mum always told me it's better out than in... But my uncle always told me that it's better in than out."

"I can see myself going up in the world... The mirror in the elevator is pretty shiny."

"Making jokes about rape is hard... because it's such a touchy subject and you always have to force it"

"It's difficult to imagine someone stealing your Viagra prescription. . . But really it wouldn't be hard."

"What do you get if you cut an avocado into 6.02 * 10^23 pieces? Guacamole."

"the older i get, the more understandable britney's meltdown seems to me"

"Him:Wow you came back from your run in record time... Me:It's amazing how fast you can go if you imagine your mother is chasing you..."