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Joke of the Day

"The fact that Mitt Romney opted to see Twilight instead of Lincoln this weekend probably sums up what his presidency would've been like."

"Now that there are no phone booths anymore Superman just changes in abandoned Blockbusters."

"Man gets his wife roses for Valentine's Day Wife says ""I guess I have to open my legs now"". Man says ""Why? Don't we have a vase""?"

"Did you ever see someone yawn, and then yawn yourself? That psychological reaction is a phenomenon known as: ""Katherine Heigl movies."""

"A homeless lady agreed to let me take her home I don't understand why she got pissed when I loaded the cardboard box in my pickup truck."

"WARNING Drinking before pregnancy can cause pregnancy."

"I heard that processed meats are just as bad for you as cigarettes so I'm walking around smoking a hot dog looking cool as hell."

"People who matter don't judge, & people who judge, don't matter."

"What's the difference between a bitch and a slut? A slut fucks everybody, a bitch fucks everyone but you."

"What's pink and red and goes 100MPH. A baby in a blender."