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Joke of the Day

"ME: bae, you wanna go out? HER: hell yeah ME: ok pliz close the door on your way out I need to play FIFA alone."

"How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish? Mark Sanchez."

"I think the inventor of the internet likely didn't intend for it to be used to post videos of simians reacting to humans doing magic tricks."

"When your bucket of KFC starts talking about the afterlife, that is some deep fried chicken."

"Why can't bicycles stand on their own? Because they are two tired."

"Would you rather...? Would you rather have fucked a goat but nobody knows, or everyone thinks you fucked a goat but you didnt and there's no way to change their mind?"

"Overheard in the nucleus... Q: Are you sure you're a proton? A: Yes, I'm positive."

"What do you call a cow with no nipples? Udderly pointless"

"I've lost so many friends to babies."

"What were the Mexican crisps doing in the locked conference room? It's nacho business!"