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Joke of the Day

"How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish? Mark Sanchez."

"Sites that are selling my tweets for money.1. Twitter2. FavStar3. Funny Tweeter <3 you guys!"

"Ma'am...we're going to have to ask you to get off of the table. Ma'am... (me, trying to cuddle with my bacon cheese fries)"

"I was at the pet shop, and said ""I'd like to buy a wasp."" ""We don't sell wasps,"" they said. ""Then why do you have one in the window?"""

"Mexicans used to excel at cross-country... ... but Donald Trump could be the reason they get a gold in pole-vaulting"

"What do you call a /u/LegitLizard that can't move? A /u/LegitLizard with e_reptile_ dysfunction!"

"""operation"" A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation? B: Yes, of course. A: Great! I never could before!"

"I just grilled a chicken for 8 hours. And it still didn't tell me why it crossed the road."

"Dad Slapped me For my Bad Skilled Jokes"

"The reason why the current season of GoT is not so good as the last one ... because my wife said so."