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Joke of the Day

"Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print."

"Sue from work says putting zucchini in her brownie makes it incredibly moist. I told Sue I've had similar successes."

"Why are magnets so arousing? They're very attractive."

"If I ever die, I'm going to be so mad about all the times I ate kale."

"When the checkout person tries to put your toilet paper in a bag, tell them it's 'for here', not 'to go'. Then ask them to hurry."

"Freedom Isn't Free, So Stop Whining And Pay Your Taxes."

"Last night I was with a girl... ...she told me she wanted me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the jaw."

"Why did robin williams cross the road? I Fucked his uncle too hard!!!!!!!!"

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.... And the rest was made in China."

"The fun part about being white is that I can sing an ""Ebony and Ivory"" duet with my shadow when I'm lonely."