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Joke of the Day

"Last night I was with a girl... ...she told me she wanted me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the jaw."

"Why can't accountants get library cards? They're book-keepers."

"When life gives you lemons Chances are you are high on LSD"

"Ernie's roommate asks him if he wants to go out for ice cream. Ernie refuses and proposes an alternative, but his roommate does not understand the response: Sherbert!"

"I just yawned on the bus and two dudes gave me their phone numbers."

"Why did the blind man walk into a wall? Somebody shot his dog"

"There's no I in anxiety. Wait. Yes there is. Oh my god oh my god oh my god"

"If I were a cop and pulled a woman over for speeding I would keep crying until she let me give her a ticket."

"I find pedophile jokes to be quite childish."

"I need to take a new default picture but i'm nowhere near a bathroom mirror."