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Joke of the Day

"Last night I was with a girl... ...she told me she wanted me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the jaw."

"Wishing for bad shit to happen to people you hate is so wrong. You gotta be way more proactive than that."

"What's worse than a worm in your apple? The holocaust. What's worse than that? TWO worms in your apple!"

"*runs into the back of wife's leg with the grocery cart for the 5th time* me: We meet agai- wife: Go wait in the car me: Ok"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? A black guy was following her."

"If there's a zombie apocalypse and you see one zombie taking a nap, that will be me"

"Why did the doctor go the furniture store? Because he needed a stool sample."

"When is a door not a door? How the hell is ajar supposed to work with this? Adoor and ajar? 'Cuse me?"

"Who's the biggest bitch in a whole wide world? OPs mom"

"What does a bee get at McDonalds ? A humburger !"