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Joke of the Day

"If I ever die, I'm going to be so mad about all the times I ate kale."

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"What do you call a fight between Jews? A roast"
"Kids make friends in 5 seconds, adults make friends in 5 drinks."
"Where do you usually find dogs? It all depends on where you lose them."
"I saw a really nasty wreck on the way to work this morning... ...wish I had had time to pick her up."
"Boss: Can you look this up? Me: (munching on donut) Internet's closed. Boss: Oh. Me: Yeah, I think they're vacuuming it or something."
"""I have an unsolicited opinion on that!"" --Every douche blanket on Twitter."
"Did you know gullible came from ancient Greek? The prefix 'gulli' meaning 'believing' and the suffix 'ble' meaning 'ble-shit'."
"I used to be addicted to the Hokey-Pokey but I've turned myself around"
"Do you believe in cod? Because I reely trout it exists."