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Joke of the Day

"When the checkout person tries to put your toilet paper in a bag, tell them it's 'for here', not 'to go'. Then ask them to hurry."

"Did they ever identify that unknown female deer crime victim? You mean Jane Doe?"

"My sick friend said a cold never bothered him anyways. I asked him if he wanted to build a snotman"

"Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because ""The Sum of All Fears"" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography."

"Hope nobody has a video of me trying to get the fourth corner of a fitted sheet over the mattress."

"A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Alright, I'll serve you, but don't start anything."""

"You deserve a standing ovation from my tallest finger."

"See ya later, alligator. After a while, crocodile. Catch ya manana, little iguana."

"I just got kicked out of my local Laser Tag and the police were called. Apparently stabbing somebody to save ammo is not allowed."

"I don't drink water anymore, not after what it did to the Grand Canyon"