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Joke of the Day

"Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid? They can't get eight cups of water into that little packet."

"How many of those brownies did you eat, private? ""All of them sir!"" ""That was my stash private."" ""Negative sir it was labeled private!"""

"Most of my tweets have been coming from a very dark place lately. That's what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill"

"5: I want to do something no one else has ever done. Me: Help me clean? 5: No. Something fun."

"At McDonalds Cashier: You total is to tell your kids that you love them Me: Look lady if I loved them I wouldn't be feeding them this crap"

"I don't mind people sneezing in public. It's that ""Pre-sneeze face"" they make that scares the hell out of me."

"*hires sky writer* I K N O W Y O U A T E T H E L A S T F R U I T R O L L U P. I W A N T A D I V O R C E K A R E N."

"Why did the ghost go to jail? He got arrested for possession."

"I will spend a minimum of three minutes looking for something resembling a spoon before breaking down and washing one."

"The Baltimore Ravens"