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Joke of the Day

"The Baltimore Ravens"

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"I bought myself two eggplants and so far neither has laid a single egg."
"Love thy neighbor all through the day... but first make sure her husband's away!"
"Are you going to Scarborough Fair? No mate, sounds shit."
"Rectangle? It nearly KILLEDtangle. ...I could totally write for kids' shows."
"Every girl on Tumblr smells like Chapstick and cats."
"A miser writes his will and names himself as the heir. This is actually one of the oldest known jokes. http://mentalfloss.com/article/57470/11-jokes-worlds-oldest-jokebook"
"5 years ago, I asked the love of my life on a date. Yesterday, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times. Posted this on r/funny and was told to post it here also."
"What do SpongeBob and LeBron James have in common? They both hit the deck and flop like a fish."
"Confucius say: Man who is outstanding in rain dance will be out standing in rain."