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Joke of the Day

"*hires sky writer* I K N O W Y O U A T E T H E L A S T F R U I T R O L L U P. I W A N T A D I V O R C E K A R E N."

"Cats make the best boyfriends because they're soft, loyal, and won't claim they're straight but then turn gay after one lousy date, BRENT!"

"Why shouldn't you be friends with a broken clock? Because it won't even give you the time of day."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic bank robber? He ran into the bank and shouted, ""Air in the hands motherstickers, this is a fuck up!!!"""

"Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are both on a sinking ship... Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are both on a sinking ship; both of them are drowning. Who gets saved?!? The answer: AMERICA!!!"

"Black and Blue? So I asked the question,"" Black and Blue or Gold and White"" ? ""It doesn't matter Sir"" replied the Police Officer ""Your wife still has extensive bruising"""

"What's the only thing better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded"

"You should invest in Helium It's only going to go up!"

"When I like a girl, I play it cool. I wait. I text once, wait 60 years, and then I die."

"What did the stamp say to the envelope? I'm stuck on you."