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Joke of the Day

"Most of my tweets have been coming from a very dark place lately. That's what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill"

"It's okay if ""buoyancy"" makes you happy -- whatever floats your boat."

"why was the SJW angry at apple because it wasn't PC."

"Donald Trump on not repeating himself at last nights debate: ""I do not repeat myself! I do not repeat myself!"" Funny, cause its true."

"Remember kids, those light up sneakers won't seem so cool when wolves are chasing you through the woods at night."

"Did you hear about the guy who tried to have sex with an acorn? He was fucking nuts."

"Why did the chicken cross the street to get to the other side #rekt"

"Why do you look surprised in all your selfies? Didn't you know you were taking the picture?"

"me: ""4,000 for a beehive?"" salesman: ""sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that's only 50p each"" me: [checking my wallet] ""give me 3 bees"""

"This whole Target credit card theft is a real nightmare For this reason, I only buy stuff with credit cards I find in lost wallets."