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Joke of the Day

"Phil Spector's brother I met Phil Spector's brother Crispin the other day. He's head of quality control at Walkers."

"I'm like Helen of Troy. Not in the sense of being breathtakingly beautiful, but in the sense of pissing people off and starting wars"

"I've been going through a really rough period at work this week It's my own fault for swapping my tampax for sand paper."

"Dear Dreamworks, How to Train Your Dragon was not the instructional movie I was hoping for since acquiring a Komodo dragon"

"After sex, I take the condom off and make a balloon animal for the lady."

"Me: ""There are so many exotic sounding flavours these days. I just can't resist-"" Doctor: ""YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING SHAMPOO!"""

"My version of ""naked and afraid"" is when I'm in the shower, soap in my eyes, and I hear a weird noise."

"Called to my managers office today He said ""you can't wear pyjamas to work you idiot!"" I replied "" everyone else does though"" He replied ""THEIR PATIENTS"""

"Hermione Granger: What can I wear that won't make me look fat? Ronald Weasley: An invisibility cloak"

"Why do Jewish women like circumsized men? Because they're 10% off."