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Joke of the Day

"Best part about marriage? NO MORE CONDOMS!!! Worst part about marriage? No more sex."

"Why do people with Ocd never have diarrhea. They got their shit in order."

"My ring tone is a woman faintly screaming Help me, Superman. Help me!' and then I run away, unexplained."

"My successful pancake business was recently shut down Someone tipped off the police that I was selling them hot"

"[job interview] Him: What's your greatest strength? Me: I'm very independent. Him: ... Me: ... Him: ... Me: Tell him, Mom. Mom: He is!"

"How do you know the bartender didn't appreciate your drunken pass at her She's stirring your bloody mary with a string."

"what did mick jagger say when he caught hugh hefner and dennis weaver in the bedroom together? hey, hugh, get off of mccloud."

"Whenever someone says ""I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart"", all I hear is ""I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart""."

"What is Dracula's favorite fruit? A nectarine."

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a lentil? I've never had a lentil on my chest."